I’ll admit it; I love the villain-era culture. When you fully embrace and accept that some people will not like you because you choose to live your authentic self.
Now, I’ve seen some people overcorrect from being a good girl to being mean, manipulative, and a bully. It’s natural for humans to overcorrect an error.
Have you noticed yourself doing it while driving? Slamming on the breaks when you could have tapped them?
In some instances, primitive overcorrection can be lifesaving but sometimes it can just worsen our situation.
What I’ve found while doing therapy with hundreds of women is that they feel they must fit into a box for society to receive them. This is logical. After all, we live in a society that is full of nuances, but most people like to ignore that because it doesn’t fit in their nice minimalist-style cubby box. Going against the grain is hard work, especially when you must fight off gatekeeping (women putting down other women trying to enter new hobbies), other interesting characters (men who fire-breathe misogyny), and, of course, unsolicited advice from those around us.
However, happiness comes from when you decide who it is that you want to be. You can try so hard not to be like someone else that you lose who you are in the making.
So why is stopping being a good girl not enough?
Because it’s a fast over-correction to address deeper issues you haven’t faced yet, I’m talking about you returning to your childhood and deconstructing all you ever knew to be true. To face the shame of things you tried to bury in the base of your skull. To find your place in this world without outside validation.
If anything, it’s not enough because your resentment for others will now be towards yourself, and you won’t even understand why. You’ll think, “I took control, no one will ever disrespect me again, so why do I still not love myself?” Again, it’s because you didn’t do the work. You are still not in control, and what you needed the most (self-love) you still aren’t giving it to yourself.
So, what the hell am I to do?
Find yourself, of course. Get self-help books, start healthy habits, and get a therapist or a life coach. The most significant investment you will make is getting yourself off autopilot and beginning your awakening to living a happier life. You will grieve your old ways, and those ghosts will fight to stay in your life, and you will need to fight back. You are to focus on and create your unique meaning in your life. It may be a mix of responsibilities, things you don’t want to do, and things that set your soul on fire. It’s all about balance. So, essentially, you are to do the work mentioned in the article. It starts with you envisioning your highest self and working backward from there.